The Body vs. My Body: A Simple Shift to Transform Your Relationship with the Body
So, recovery from being underweight often (and definitely in my case) results in “weight restoration” which is the clinical way to name the process of the body going “OMG Food! Thank you thank you! I have repair work to do around here and you just gave me a giant gift card to Lowe’s!”. In my case, my body threw on a tarp of about 25lbs with tape around it saying “Undergoing Renovations”. Now as I person who had, for roughly 17 years, equated controlling my weight with safety and security, this came as a shock.
My mind had been trained to scrutinize my body, to discipline myself with shame, but what I needed was Big Love and Big Compassion.
Distressed, I told my Nutritional Therapist about how my body felt so uncomfortable, how my thighs rub together, how my body felt so sluggish and weak. She shifted my experience with a simple word switch. “Try saying the body instead of my body”. Instantly I could feel the difference, a spaciousness.
“The body feels uncomfortable“
This elicits a sense of compassion in me. Poor body! It doesn’t feel good! What can I do to help?”
“My body feels uncomfortable“
This brings up a sense of blame and shame. I must’ve done something wrong. What’s wrong with me?
This small extra space left room for compassion to happen, for forgiveness and reconciliation to happen between me and this always-unfurling flesh sculpture I inhabit. My role shifted from the one who controls it, to the one who cares for it, and more naturally now, the one who loves it.
In this new space of relating to the body with compassion, I could see that my worst fear (losing control of the body) was a gift in disguise.
What I thought was safety was the illusion of safety, while I had never really ever been safe with myself.
I now know true safety: I have the skills and the big heart to meet myself with compassion, no matter the situation, no matter what my body is going through. What better security is there than that?
It was only through entering this space of blamelessness, forgiveness and compassion that I could become intimate with my fears, and see my misunderstanding. Now instead of keeping vigil at the temple of Self-Blame, I dip into the fountain of unconditional love and acceptance, the depths of which I never believed was possible.